Your words touched my heart so much!
While reading, I had goose bumps everywhere. For example, when you talked about bravery, I immediately thought "absolutely right!" and had so many situations of my life in mind, in which I was told "be brave" and I just thought "and that now solves my anxiety, uncertainty and self-hatred !?" Bc I had the feeling that people used it for „I say be brave to her, and then I can say „I’ve listen to her and gave her an advice!“ but the truth was: nobody was listening, nobody was seeing me. It was only pushing down and after kicking.
I had to learn it over years that I have to take my time and don’t have to function or accelerate my healing, bc it’s more comfortable for others. I allowed myself to slow down. Accept my flaws, my issues and am still working for them. Step by step, for a decade now and be proud of every single day, I could take this bite of bravery ... someday it’s a small bite another day it’s only a lick off. But today I can take a look in the mirror and say to myself: „I love you! And you deserve it to be happy!“