As I was saying, today's my birthday, and I've turned eighteen. (I'm an Italian girl, sorry if my English isn't perfect). So, here turning 18 It's a great, great goal, because It seems I'm an adult now haha. The past year It's been the most difficult, but also the most important one of my life. I've been through a serious anxiety disease, and I've faced autolesionism, sociophobia, and other horrible things; I was so insecure, sad, desperate, alone, and I used to see in food my only shelter. I was overweight, and the more I used to feel bad, the more I used to eat. I've always had problems with food, jumping from nervous anorexia to 'binge eating', but during that period I only used to eat everything that was in my seen. Things started to change when Lady Gaga announced the artrave dates. I don't know what happened in my head that made me 'stand up', and pushed me to change my life, but from when I had the ticket for that show, I decided I had to lose weight so I could finally wear a shellbikini. I decided that, that outfit would have been my principal goal. Also, I wanted to make Gaga proud, the only one who I've always had next to me. Everyone used to say "oh you're such a failure, you'll never lose so much weight cause you're a loser!" But I didn't listen to them. Why? Cause Gaga tell us everyday that we can do anything if we want, that we're all born superstars, THAT WE ARE ALL WINNERS and most important, that she believes in us. Losing weight, I started feeling more confident, I started to 'destroy' the prison I had built around myself. I started to meet people similar to me, so many wonderful little monsters, who are the most beautiful present Gaga gave to me. It was difficult to be on a diet, and meanwhile facing my panic attacks, autolesionism, and anxiety, but I stayed strong, and at the end, with some help, I destroyed all these things. Now, I swear, I'm a completely different person. If I just stop, and think about the girl I was before, comparing her to the girl I'm now, I burst into tears. Today, I like my body. Today, I have a lot of friends who love me and care about me. Today, I feel strong, happy, ready to do anything. Today, I'm mentally okay. Today, I've destroyed all my fears. Today, I've found the courage to came out as a lesbian to my family and to all the people around me. Today, I feel I can have a wonderful future, in a big town far away from here. Today I'm a brand new person, and I'm proud of myself. I've spent my whole life wondering what It feels like to.. be a winner, and now I know. Remember I said I wanted to wear a shellbikini at the artrave? Well.. GUESS WHAT! This wouldn't have been possible without Lady Gaga, my greatest light, my biggest inspiration. I have to confess you, before her concert, I wrote a letter for her, knowing that she used to read one letter during the show. I put all my hopes in that letter, my biggest dream was to make the most important person in my life know what she has done to me, and so make her feel proud. But, unfortunately, that letter never arrived to her. I want to leave that words here, hoping that she reads this post, so my dream can came true. The greatest present of this day, would be Gaga to wish me an happy birthday. Please monsters, help me. Please. It's very important. Here's the letter I wrote for the Artrave: "Dear Mother Monster, I'm Joanne, and I'm so delighted to be here tonight. I't's been two years since I last saw you live, and during this time I changed so much only thanks to you. Now I have my personal shell bikini on, and you have to know that I worked so hard to be wearing this tonight. I used to be overweight last year, I used to weigh 198 lbs, and exactly nine months ago, after buying my artRAVE ticket, I decided to lose weight. So I tought: “I have to do it for myself and for Gaga, I have to change my life, I promise I'll be wearing that outfit at the artRAVE, I promise I'll be so fucking beautiful for that day, and I promise I'll be healthy and OK with my body.” Everyone assumed that I couldn't lose 66 lbs, but I refused to hear them, because you always teach us that we can do and be whatever we want to, so I used to say to myself everyday that at least you believed in me, that I had to achieve my goal not only for me, but also for you, my beautiful Lady Gaga. I wanted you to see me and think “Gosh, I'm so proud of her!”. Everytime that I was about to give up, you gave me the strength to go on, and.. Take a look at me now. I'm here and I did it, this is the new me, happy and beautiful. It's incredible what people can do when they believe in themselves. Since I'm a Little Monster, you always have given me the courage to change my life for the better, obviously not only concerning my body. In four years, you've made me a braver and kinder person. I was so insicure, sad and lonely before knowing you. You don't know who I am, but everytime that someone screwed me up, in my darkest days and nights you were the only one that I always felt by my side. Like an invisible shadow you were always there to tell me, with your words and with your music, that things would have got better. You are my guardian angel, my miracle. Having faith in you, I've learned to have faith in myself too. You are the most splendid, genuine, real person and incredible artist I've ever had the privilege to feel next to me. While everyone around me used to tell me "Ew, you're so strange, you're a freak!" You taught me to accept myself and to embrace my uniqueness, my individuality and my qualities, and I assure you, maybe now I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for you. So, can you believe how much impact you must have on all of us to push us to change our lives? You mean the world to me and to the other little monsters. We belong together, Gaga. You know, "No one changes you making you became someone you are not, but bringing to light a part of you that you didn't know yet, but which belongs to you." I used to believe I was a complete failure, but now, thanks to you, I'm sure there isn't anything in my life that I can't do. As you say: "No task is too great if you have the focus to persevere". And tonight I'll be the queen that's inside of me. So, make my dream come true, and give me and my friend Peppe (who is with me here) the opportunity to hug and to thank you in person. It would be a victory for us, the demonstration that dreams come true. With endless love, yours Joanne." I really hope I'll hug her one day. Thanks to every person who will help me. #lady #gaga #ladygaga #birthday #18 #happy #strong #change #artrave #shellbikini #proud #mothermonster #message #help #monsterhelp #happybirthday @gaga -