monsters, gaga, please help me. i don't know what to do anymore. i have been living in so much pain and sadness all my life and every day is a constant battle to not take my life. i have been suicidal for 4 years now and i have not gotten any better. high school was a living hell. my family is so emotionally abusive and i worked so hard in school so i could go to college and get away from it all thinking it would be a safe place for me, but my family still finds ways to break me down. they put me down and make me feel so worthless and they shelter me so much i have no way to escape. i have gone to therapy for nine years and nothing has helped me, i have just gotten worse and more sad. every day i plead to my parents to treat me like a human being but they don't listen. my own mother told me to kill myself i don't feel happy or at home in my own house. i'm on winter vacation and this past month has been living hell. every day i have been in this house i have cried i hate being here so much but i have no place to go. the therapist i go to is good at listening to me and let's me vent, but she cannot help me get out of the situation i'm in. I'm so scared i don't know what to do or who to go to. gaga, i went to your birthday show in roseland and i had the art pop zone package. i gave a drawing to one of the born brave campaign workers to give to you but i don't know if you got it. i will attach a picture of it for you. gaga, thank you so much for all you have done for all your fans and thank you so much for being strong for all of us, but i don't think i can be strong anymore. everyday i go through hell thinking the next day will be better and it never does. i don't know how much longer i can go through this because every day hurts so much. that day at your show was the best day of my life. i got to hear my idol sing and it made me feel so happy and i felt so at peace. all i want in my life is to be able to feel that happiness and peace again that i felt at your show, but i don't know how much more of this i can take. I'm so sorry if i'm making anyone upset or triggering any unhappiness, but i don't know what to do anymore and i am desperate to be happy again. every day is worse and worse as if it hasn't been hard enough. i've been through so much and i have no energy to fight anymore. i try to get my parents to understand how i feel and how they are hurting me, but they are in denial and refuse to believe that they are any problem in my life and that it is all just me. i have been thinking about jumping out of my room, or letting a car hit me, and my medication bottle looks so much more inviting to me the harder my days get. i'm not looking for attention i promise, i'm just looking for peace of mind and it seems that the only way to get that is if i end my life. i wish i could be as strong as you are gaga. you are truly inspirational and an amazing person accomplishing all that you do. i don't know how long i would have made it if it weren't for your art and music and encouragement. i've wanted to be as strong as you the entire time i've been a little monster, but i don't think i can. i just honestly wish i didn't exist. i don't know why parents choose to have kids if all they're going to does make them feel worthless and sheltered all their life. this is no life i want to live and even the things in life i have looked forward to in life seem less and less appealing to me. i just want to curl up in a little ball and forget i ever existed. i don't know how much longer i must suffer and i have nowhere to go anymore.