Four years ago today. I sat in the living room of our old house after a day of drinking 2 bottles of Captan Morgan the day before. I had a LONG history of abusing alcohol. I started a fun flirty person when I drank but lost that many years before. I had turned into a bad bad drunk. Even though I knew that, I still drank and I drank a lot... a lot lot.... all the time a lot. Earlier in June, 2010 I hit a bottom and lost control over my life. I had no strength to do anything right. I left and got fired from my job (had to be there). That actually was a good thing but the way it happened wasn't. My primary Dr. was considering putting me in the hospital. I was broken. He put me on meds for my Bipolar on June 1st, 2010 and got me into see a Psych Dr on June 14th. I hadn't been on meds for my Bipolar in Many Many Many years. So I walked into the Psychiatrists office without having had a drink that June 14, 2010 and as hard and fucked up things have been and how great and lucky Ive been... Yes there has been a lot said for both sides... I haven't had a single drink... a single sip. Nothing! Four Years! And I wont lie. I type this with tears streaming down my face.. why? Being 7 1/2 years clean and 4 years sober, I see myself and I see what I lost, who I hurt... the things and people I miss.... that no amount of sobriety can change. But here is to my 7/12 years, 14 days clean and my 4 years to the day sober! *****DOPE - Lady Gaga ***** Dedicated to .... My closest friends and family and to the person who stood there holding my hand while I made my way through the hardest time of my life. Never asking for praise or a thank you. I love you My Mommy! I'll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope! Cork's off, it's on The party's just begun I promise This drink is my last one I know I fucked up again Because I lost my only friend God forgive my sins Don't leave me, I Oh I will hate myself until I die My heart would break without you Might not awake without you Been hurting low, from living high for so long I'm sorry, and I love you Sing with me, "Bell Bottom Blue" I'll keep on searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope I need you more than dope Need you more than dope Need you more than dope I need you more than dope Toast one last puff And two last regrets Three spirits and Twelve lonely steps Up heaven's stairway to gold Mine myself like coal A mountain of a soul Each day, I cry Oh, I feel so low from living high My heart would break without you Might not awake without you Been hurting low, from living high for so long I'm sorry, and I love you Sing with me, "Bell Bottom Blue" I'll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope I need you more than dope I need you more than dope I need you more than dope I need you more than dope I need you more Need you more I need you more than dope @gaga @xemma @bornthiswayfoundation #Dope #Sober #Clean #AnotherYearSober #Sad #IMissYou