I'm having a break down. I can't take this anymore. And no this isn't an attention seeking post. Real shit is happening to me. I just found out that the fine art school that I desperately want to go to, has 200 people in front of me on the waiting list and the people I have to audition against are 10x better at acting and singing then me. I also have scleroderma which is a skin disease that I've had since I was 4. My mother was bullied into giving me vaccinations. Because of those vaccinations I have scleroderma. I also have a scar that I will never be able to get rid of without expensive plastic surgery or chemotherapy. A few years ago it finally stopped growing. But the scar on my leg still remains. Last week I had to have my whooping cough injection. Because of that, my scleroderma has began growing again. I can feel in going over my knee. If it goes over my knee fully I may not be able to walk. Just think. If finally got rid of the disease and then I have to get it again even though scleroderma patients are meant to be warned about every vaccination. No matter how many doctors and dermatologists I went to they never told me anything close to this. Doctors and scientists need to be aware of the dangers of vaccinations. Just think, if my mother hadn't been made to vaccinate me I wouldn't of had over 7 years of bullying and embarrassment to deal with. And I also wouldn't have to deal with it all again now. I also wouldn't have to stress about it going all over my organs and killing me. I wouldn't have to stress about whether I have lupus or not because scleroderma is connected to it. @gaga and monsters, I really need your help to get me through this. I feel like getting my razor out again. I've stopped myself thus far. But I'm massively tempted to do so. I'm sorry if this doesn't make very much sense. I'm crying whilst writing this and screaming. I'm listening to @gaga to try and calm myself down. Please forgive me if I choose to get the knife out. I love yoü all xxx Clare. #Helpmemonsters #ineedyoumorethandope