Hey Guys, I haven't been online for a long time now, but the reason because of that is my anorexia... It all started in the summer of 2013, I didn't felt good enough and I wanted to be skinny, cause I thought i was too fat. My 'friends' even told me I was chubby. So I decided to loose some weight when my family and I were on holidays in Austria. I started to never eat unhealthy again and that worker for the first 3 kg. I was so happy that my weight dropped to 57 kg (I'm 175 cm/ 5'8 feet tall btw) I lost those 3 kg in 2 Weeks I think... But the weight lost stopped, so I was eating less than before, around 1600 calories. When we came back from austria , I stepped on the scale and I was 55 kg! I decided to decrease my calorie intake to 1000 calories a day, and before I knew I was 52 kg. My mom started to worry about me and went to doctor, he said when i was under the 50 kg we should go and see him again. I started to decrease my calorie intake again cause I was still fat in the mirror. I was only eating 500 at that point. And after 2 Weeks I was 45 kg and that's where we went to see the doctor again. He seemed not to care about me, and wanted to weight me the next week again. In that week I decreased to only an Apple and a toast and something small for dinner, it was around 200 calories and that's the point when I was 42 kg and my mom took me to the hospital and send me inpatient. So 6 months ago I was inpatient in an ed clinic, and I got a tube feeding, I was getting fatter and fatter. 3 months ago i went back home but decreased my intake back to 700-800 and lost all the weight again, I even reached my lowest weight ever of 39.5 kg. The doctor in the hospital would have send my inpatient again if she wasn't so Busy with other kids. That's the point were I started eating again and that 3-4 Weeks ago, I increased to 2000 calories a day. But I can't do this anymore I'm 43-44 kg again and I want to loose everything again, I'm really weak at the moment. And I can the fat growing on me. And I feel huge when I look at the mirror... I just don't know what to do, I'm just a fucking whale 😔 I really want to recover for @gaga cause I need to see her at artrave on september 23th! That's my main reason to recover cause gaga means so much to me and she believes in us... And she's maybe the only one who cares about me now, because my family seems to not care about me anymore. Nobody cares about me cause I'm disgusting... I'm really sorry but I really need your support cause I might have a relapse right now... The pictures are from last month where my weight is between the 40 kg and 44 kg Sorry for bothering Any of you... I just needed to talk about how I feel you know... #artRAVE #MonsterStyle #ARTPOPSelfie #Selfies #GagaTalk #Fashion #Memes #littlemonsterstyle #bodyrevolution #artpopstyle