I'm a coward, I'm scared by practically everything. But most of all I'm scared of rejection, being told no. I guess you could say I'm scared to succeed. I'm 21 & I don't have the slightest clue as to what I want out of life, much less who I am. I have things I bury in myself that I'm scared to let anyone see. Those of you who know me on a more personal level, I would hope understand my fear. Especially about being scared of myself, I don't know why I am, I just am. Like The Fame Monster I have fears like that too irrational or otherwise. Yes love & things of the sort scare & terrify me, they just do but especially now that I'm a bit older. BUT I'm scared to die all alone, but I'm also too scared to try... if that makes any sense. The more I think about things the more they become a little clearer so to speak. Yes I'm afraid of being smothered socially or by someone & vice versa. Its no lie yes, I like to enjoy & partake in the consumption of alcohol, no I've never been drunk (yet) but I do feel if I let myself I could become dependent on it to feel good when I want to have a good time or to escape my problems. Yes death petrifies me, who isn't that's normal. Again intimacy & things like that I'm already petrified of we've covered that. Case & point I'm very fearful, I know I can't & shouldn't let fear control & run my life, but its hard to break the chains. I've kind of talked to my family about these things, but they are brief chats that I just kind of ramble. I'm sorry I seem to be so bipolar lately with my attitude & my posts. If I could quell my fears of these things but I would but again haha I'm even afraid to try. I hope I make sense at least to someone. I'm not saying this to try & be @gaga I'm not, but I see a lot of myself in her & that's why I fell in love with her. Because there was someone who was different & embraced it & didn't care what people thought. I'm slowly embracing myself although its hard & yes in some aspects I don't care what people think, but I do more so than I let on. That's why my Poker Face is so good ;)