Hello Mother Monster and to fellow Monsters: Firstly, let me introduce myself. My name is Marco Gagliardi, if you follow me on Twitter then I am TheRealMe_88 and on other social media sites, I am gagliarm88. I am 25 years old. I live in Canada, specifically; I live in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. It is a small city in Canada. It is across from Detroit, Michigan. I was born and raised here, but I also have Italian blood in me that I love. My whole life has always been a struggle to me. Ever since I could remember, which it’s probably age 5, I had a sense of not belonging anywhere. I have always thought that I was never really supposed to be here or even born. It was a mistake that I was here. The earliest age I can remember of self-harming would be in grade 1, so age 7 if I can do the math right. There were so many things going on throughout my childhood, being teased and bullied at school for any reason: to my big Italian nose, my weight, my sexuality and my individuality. On top of being bullied in school, I was also physically and emotionally abused at home, so there really wasn’t any way of getting out of it unless I just killed myself. I realized that I was attracted to boys in Grade 7, I had the biggest crush/love for this one particular boy. He was straight but I still loved him so much. I just wanted to be with him and only him. Obviously that never happened. The bullying got worse in Grade 9. Now everybody knew that I was gay. I was physically and emotionally bullied at school. On top of being bullied about my sexuality I was also bullied because I was still “in love” with my Grade 7 crush. It was hard. Every day was a struggle for me. That was when my suicide attempt escalated. Although freshman year of High School was the worst, senior year was great. The worst part of my life thus far would be in my first year of University. I grew to love one of my best friends at the time. I won’t get into detail because it’s still hard but he used me for sex and he was straight as well. I was very suicidal and not being healthy. I lost a lot of weight during that time. But I got it all back now and then some because I am an emotional eater. I have always been depressed. I can’t even image a day in which I wasn’t depressed. I am so deep in the depression that it is so hard to get out of it and on top of being depressed I still hold that I am not really supposed to be here, so that makes it even harder. I’m unmotivated, but I’m still holding on and most of my strength is from the Lady Gaga. I hate being in love, especially to someone that doesn’t love me back. I keep doing this to myself and it hurts. And then I get someone that loves me, but I’m not. Why do I want the ones that don’t want me. I really thought he was THE ONE. Before Lady Gaga came into my life my source of inspiration and she still is my inspiration and strength is Mariah Carey, but Lady Gaga is my new strength. Lady Gaga came into my life when I was in University, with her first single, Just Dance, just like many of you. This new star was amazing. Her first album was the shit for me at the time. I became increasingly passionate for Lady Gaga herself and her work. There was nobody like her at the time. She was new and refreshing. Her bubbly personality, her laugh, her music made my day amazing. I wouldn’t be here, and I swear to God, if it wasn’t for Lady Gaga, I wouldn’t be here. She is the sole reason why I’m still here. I’ve wanted to see her since day one but I could never go because I never had the money to see her concerts. I am happy to say that finally after all these years I will finally see my idol, my strength in this world. I hope I can see her and talk to her one day but it might not happen. At least I can say that when I die that I have at least seen her in concert. My depression is getting worse again. The only reason why I’m standing is because of her. I’m afraid of when she won’t be enough to hold me up. She won’t be enough to keep me here. There’s things going on in my mind and life lately that are really hard for me. I just can’t take it anymore. I still go to Gaga’s music but it’s still hard. I feel like my last days on earth will be after I see my idol and strength in concert on July 9th because then I have accomplished what I wanted and that is to see my love on stage doing her thing to make me happy one last time. I’m always going to love Gaga. When I’m not here I’ll look over here in amazement at what she’s doing for all the Monsters out there. I’m pioneered in the campaign to Promote online kindness and promoting kindness in general. Be strong. Stop fighting and be there for each other. XO PS. I wanted to write more but it was getting too long. Love, Marco Monster @gaga #mothermonster #personal #PersonalFeeling #fans #monsters #depression #love #OnlineKindness