I hate my self. I will for the rest of my life. I can't change the way I feel. I have tried. I see my self as a fat ugly cow. But when I get to overwhelmed I listen to lady gaga. Her music saves me from myself. I say terrible things to myself & I don't mean to. It hurts. I have gotten bullied so I will no longer judge people because I am not perfect. No one is. Gaga is. Or at least she is in my eyes. She is there for her monsters & her monsters are there for her. I don't know one monster in person but I have talked to some over the phone & they are the nicest & most generous people I have ever talked to. Gagas lyrics are poetry that take me away from my nightmare I am living. I know other people may have it worst than I do but sometimes I just need to lay down & cry with artpop on. It is pure perfection. She is the fantasy I need to take me away from my terrible reality. I may not be very smart & I may not be the prettiest & I may not have any talents but when I listen to gaga I feel better. She is litterally the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life & I will always love her until the day I die & even after that. I hope one day I can't meet her & hug her. That's all I need. She will never know me or read this but I just needed to let all that out because writing this & crying is hard but hopefully no one judges me on here. Thank you. For everything.