I'm sick Monsters. I'm sick with my life. I was supposed to go to the training session of the soccer team I support with my Dad, as always. He apparently wasn't in the mood today so I said that we could stay home if he wanted. He answered a little angry : "Well, we'll go or you'll never go out of this house..." He's right, I'm spending every day in my room. But where can I go? I have NO friends. Now that I've finished school all my "friends" don't even care about me. I'm alone, as always. And even if I had friends, I hate beeing seen by people. I hate everything I am. I'm fat and ugly, I just can't stand to see someone looking at me. I've never felt confortable with myself. He knows that, I've told my parents about the way I feel and the fact that I used to cut myself for years without letting them notice anything. I even told them once that I didn't want to live anymore, that I wasn't made for this world. But now it just looks like they totally forgot about all this. They don't help me losing weight, and doing sport. I feel so ALONE fighting again myself. The only things that make me happy are my soccer team and Gaga. She's the only person that inspires me, of course they can't stand her. 'Cause you know "she's just crazy". I'm so tired, I feel like they don't want to understand. I have really dark thoughts for a few weaks and I'm fighting a lot not to start cutting myself again. I feel like I'm gonna do it again... I really need your support monsters. I need to feel that I'm not alone. I just want to cry every day and night, I hate myself, my life. I'm not gonna say that I need Gaga to read this, there's so much horribles stories in here she needs to know about before my stupid life. She already helps me a lot. I have already tried to change some stuff in my life thanks to her. It's details, like getting my nails done, try to wear different style of clothes... This is not important stuff but I've never cared about before. I use her songs to wake me up, 'cause this is the most difficult thing I have to do in life. Every day is painful. I use her songs for all the difficult moments I live and I could not thank her enough. Her existence is a gift and I think you all agree with that. But even if I try to be brave, I'm not. I've never been. The only thing I do at the end is crying on my bed, like a baby. That's all I can do. #GagaPics #Ladygaga #MotherMonster #Fashion #Artpop #gaga #littlemonsters #love #bornthisway #personallife #personalstories #help #support #pain #ugly #cut #LittleMonsterlife #personal #PawsUp