

Jack Melrose @jackamel
My Body Revolution/My Story: The Year of 18
My Body Revolution/My Story: The Year of 18
I thought I'd share my story with you all today, the day before my birthday. This past year has been hard. One year ago, I was in new york for birthday. I was so happy, new york was amazing.
I was due to start university in september. Which I did, this was where my life began to crash. I was living with four other people in my student accommodation, three of which I didn't really get on with, we hardly spoke, and didn't share much in common. One of them in particular I hated, he always had his friends over, who were just like him, which just made things worse. They were loud, racist, homophobic, twats, who would cheat on their girlfriends and be rude to people.
Often when they came over, they use to get drunk etc, which was fine, but they couldn't handle their drink. They use to smash the kitchen up, overturn furniture, throw food around, smash glasses/plates, etc. They just had no respect for anything, and they would just leave the place in the mess that it was. I found myself not being able to enter the kitchen when they were around, crazy as it may sound. Therefore my eating habits changed, I sometimes went two or three days without eating a meal, I was living off snacks. They use to bang on my door and chant faggot, I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I felt completely trapped and helpless in my own flat.
Aside from the horrible living conditions, I felt some of my friends just turned their back on me, they didn't spend time with me, or speak to me as much as they use to. Which made me feel sad and alone.
I was very depressed and confused with myself also, my mind was a war zone, I didn't know who I was, or what I wanted, I was sexually confused. I felt like giving up, and moving out, but I didn't I stuck it out, through the pain and suffering. I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling, not my friends, and I would never have spoken to my family about anything. I was alone, confused, trapped, and lost. Around late october/earlier november, I experienced anxiety attacks where I was crying, my throat would get tight, and I couldn't breath. I had no one to help me. I would just lie there wanting to die.
As it got closer to christmas, I moved back home for the holiday, I had hit rock bottom, I was completely depressed, I was arguing with my parents, I hated them. They could tell something was wrong, but when they asked I just pushed them away, I couldn't bring myself to speak to them, or tell them how I felt.
I had set myself the task of 'coming out' to them before the end of the year, which probably contributed to my depression and anxiety. It got to the 31st December 2012. I still hadn't told them, my parents wanted to go out for a drink with me on night, I refused as I just didn't want to spend time with them, I was so depressed. So they went out alone. Whilst they were gone I decided to write a letter explaining what was wrong and that I was gay.
They came back before midnight on new years eve, to find the letter. They opened it and read it. I was so nervous and anxious as they did. When they finished my dad came to me and hugged me, telling my everything was ok, and that he understood, I was shaking, I had never felt love from anyone in so long. I was completely relived, It felt as if a weight had been lifted, like I could breath again. I was free.
The following day I tweeted that I had came out to my parents, which was my indirect way of telling my friends, and people who knew me. When I saw my friends they immediately showed me love and support, telling me how brave I was, and that I have to be me, and to be happy.
From January to now, I have been slowly growing stronger. I had the strength to not give a fuck, about my arsehole flatmates, I just completely ignored them. My eating habits improved, and I had work to complete, so I spent most of my time away from the flat, focusing on the work.
As of now, I have been enjoying my summer. The one flatmate that I got on with, I will be living with from september, she is an amazing person, and we get on so well. I can't wait to live with her for the next year or two.
I feel so happy at this current point in my life, i've been getting support from little monsters, your kind words and love mean so much to me, I have never felt so much love and acceptance in all my life, and I can't thank you enough.
With the added support of Gaga being back in my life, I can't even explain how her presence just lifts me, her music gives me life, and if your reading this Gaga, I love you, and everything you do, I can't even explain it, you are just everything to me. Thank you for giving me strength.
To little monsters, I hope i've inspired you. If your experiencing anything that you've just read, it will be ok, and talk to someone, keeping silent will lead you to depression. If you ever need to talk, i'm here. Stay strong little monsters, I love you.
#bodyrevolution #StayStrong #life