When I was 3, my mum and dad split up, I was forced by cou rt to live with my dad. I never saw my mum for 7 years... Wit hin those 7 years, my dad got married, to someone else, who is now my step-mum, Kerri. She always treated me differentl y. She used to lock me in my room, make me tidy up, wash t he dishes, baby sit the kids whenever she went out... I know t hat seems pretty normal for a kid to be doing but 10 years ol d? Naaah. Not only that, she'd beat me up. She'd throw chair s at me, push me onto my bed and punch me in the face, she 'd pull my hair, call me vile things. I'm terrified of her. Whene ver I used to tell my dad when he came home from work, he' d never believe me. 4 years ago, I came out as gay. My dads homophobic... I never knew that until I came out. The amou nt of abuse that happened within a week, I ran away 3 times. In the end, my dad forced me to stay down my mums... In w hich I did. (By this time, me and my mum were speaking agai n). It was fine at my mums kind of? She had my eldest brothe r, me, and my baby brother. Her husband had just walked ou t on her, she had no job, she lived in a council flat getting a s mall amount a week, and my brother was a drug dealer. We were just getting on ok, just about... November 2011, I got wi th a guy... Dan. He was so nice to me at first, until he turned. He used to beat me up, call me vile names, all that shit, just because I never gave him sex. He's broken my foot, sliced m y leg open, snapped the gristle on the end of my nose... He e ven made me sleep with a few guys just so he could toss him self off. I was hopeless... I was terrified of him, I couldn't sta nd up for myself. In the end, I overdosed. I wanted to die. I w as genuinely ready to die. It was in the hospital, 1 month and 2 weeks later (christmas holidays) where I told the police wh at had happened. He was then dealt with. A week later, I was discharged. 2 weeks after that, I had to move from my mums because my mum couldn't do it anymore. She moved back to Spain With her mum and I went to my aunties for a week. My nan then decided she'd take me in... This last year, I've had 4 relationships. 2 where the guys decided they didn't want me, and 2 where I got cheated on. Whenever I try with guys, I dri ve them away the my paranoia and insecurity problems, cau sed by Dan. I never thought I could find happiness... Ever. I t hought I was going to be mental by 16... Christmas holidays j ust gone, I tried committing again... It didn't work. I was then diagnosed with depression... Like, and then now living with my nan, my 2 little cousins Laci and Lois are always being fav oured... and I'm just constantly feeling 2nd best with everyon e and everything, as well as all the bullying and shit from sch ool since being out... I think I just want a boyfriend because I see other people in relationships and they get the sort of atte ntion that I'd kill to have... But idk, I just think so low of myse lf and my paranoia and insecurities just drive everyone away and so I only have myself... the thing is... i dont have myself. i have another family... somewhere between reality and fantasy i have a family. Little monsters. we argue, we stick up for each other and all admire one woman. one force. our mother... Lady Gaga. when i watch the monster ball, and i remember that line "remember i believe in you." it makes me feel re-born. a different person. i was literally born this way and to be honest, yes im gay, yes ive been through a lot but as long as i have my family, i will always be ok. Lady Gaga has saved my life on so many different occasions, if it wasnt for her, i wouldnt be here right now, sharing this story with you. Im not strong, im not rich, im not popular, im not hot but i am a little monster. i get down sometimes, fucking sure i do, everyone does, but at least i realise i have over 30 million people to turn to. Mother Monster being one of them. thank-you little monsters for being apart of my life, as well as being a strength and a comfort to fall back onto but most importantly, thankyou Lady Gaga for being my everything and making me believe that i too am a human being and i dont need anyone but myself and little monsters and obviously you too. Get well soon Gaga. thankyou. x