
Jadus @hausofjadus
Taking a break from this.
Taking a break from this.
I know I write a lot of stuff on here about my depression and about everything really, but I just thought I'd share this purely because I'd appreciate any opinions/advice. So, me and my ex boyfriend broke up a while ago now, ever since then things started going down hill, they were while we were together but it never occurred to me how much. My great grandmother passed away in December before Christmas, it was the most pain I've ever had in my entire life and to this day I'm still suffering from her loss. I've lost my best friend and I'm slowly losing myself. I have to refrain from cutting myself all the time and it takes a lot of strength to do, but I'm slowly losing that will power. I've messed so much of my life up, I honestly have no idea where to go now... I'm lost. I have been since October.
I can't seem to forgive myself for my past, my mind refuses to move on no matter how much I try. I can't move forward. I need to if I want to still be around, but it's not looking promising.
Every morning, the first thing that falls on my mind is suicide, I never feel good enough for anyone these days and I never want to face the day. I don't cry as much anymore, but when I do decide to finally let go and cry, I can't seem to stop. I cry for hours.
The only things that seem to keep me going is that part of me that belongs home, in Belfast, Carla, who's basically my sister and a part of me, my mum, who's stuck by me through so so so much and there's no way I can ever show her how much that means to me. That seems it, I know it's a lot, trust me I know, but lately there's nothing to give me that push in my life, I constantly feel like a loser kid. This is the kind of pain I've never felt before and honestly, it's scary.
If you have any ways or tips to help me out, I'd appreciate them so much. I love you Monsters, you're all wonderful. xo