Hello guys. My name is Rebecca and I know that this website isn't for counseling or for seeking attention. But sometimes you need attention specially when your going through a tough time. this might take a while, most will ignore . I have social phobia and depression. Social phobia is like extreme shyness. Its not easy to deal with. I get anxious, my hands starts shaking, my chest hurts, i start sweating, heart beats so fast it feels like its gonna blast when I'm around people. I'm afraid that mistake I might make people will laugh about me (first day of school and it happened), I'm embarrassed about myself, im afraid that I might be judged. My school is private, classmates are different, they have money, they are prestigious and make fun of people like me cause im not like them so its tough. I can't do oral presentations actually one day if forgot what I was going to say and i cried and went back to my seat. I cant participate in class, I cant talk to a teacher, or ask for help, or talk to a family member that i haven't talked to in months. I don't have support, my friends are too busy, my mom works hard and doesn't even call, my dad ignores me, my sister is fighting for her kids in court. I cant get help cause we are going though an economic crisis. My mom owes millions. Everyone tells me the same things 'don't listen to them, they are worthless. stop caring about what they think. its easy' no its not, its so hard for me. I feel lonely, empty, helpless, worthless. I've talked to my mom about this but shes like your just complicating yourself, your stupid and that's not the support I'm seeking for. I can't stop crying. I'm stressed right now. There is so much pressure, I feel so weak. I want help but I can't pay for it. I'm just scared that one day I will kill myself, I don't want that but those suicide thoughts keep pushing and pushing and winning.