Hey guys. My dad has a brain tumor & has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. We are very close. I am now his caregiver. Most days I do ok. I'm a tough as nails kinda girl. Some days it really gets to me. Today is one of those days. Last night he was talking about how is isn't scared to die, he is a preacher and knows he is going to heaven, but that he is afraid of HOW he is going to die. Thinking of my dad -always the big strong man- being afraid of going blind (which there's a good chance he will) and how he specifically is going to die just rips.my.heart.out. When he was diagnosed they gave him from 4 to 12 months to live & that was 5 1/2 months ago. Hard to understand how such a selfless, wonderful person can have to go through something so horrible. This is a very fast growing cancer and though he's doing radiation & chemo its not one you survive. I still just cannot accept that. I pray so hard every single day that God will give us a miracle and heal my dad. I KNOW HE CAN! I just cannot accept damn brain cancer taking my daddy. I just can't. I wont!! I've gotta try my hardest to stay positive. I've been crying a lot today so far and I just have to pull myself out of this. I can't afford to be down and depressed. I have to stay strong for him. All of this is so damn hard but one thing I am grateful for is that even if God doesn't give me the miracle Ive been praying for and he takes my dad at least I'll have had this time with him & we have had the time to say all the things we needed to say and have grown so unbelievably close through all of this. I always had a good relationship w/ my dad but we are pretty much best friends now. We have gotten so attached to each other. Sooooo thankful for that. He is my hero and being his caregiver is tough but taking care of him through this it is absolutely the honor of my life. Thank you guys -my monster family- for taking the time to read this. I know it's a bummer & all. Love you guys. xo